In this little fight fertility I sometimes find myself questioning why its so easy for others... and so hard for us. We're two perfectly healthy people and there's no reason as to why I'm not getting knocked up. So why?
Just yesterday I found out about another pregnant friend. This makes 3 that I directly work with. Now of course I'm happy for all 3 of these ladies... but with thier happiness... comes my anger and sadness.
PGF = Pregnant Friend
PGF #1 is pregnant with her 2nd child. She lost her first one at 5 months. It was very sad and a very hard time for her. I felt so bad, yet there was nothing I could do. I was very happy for her when she told me she was pregnant again. Sadness and jealousy of course came into the picture. A little anger yet again... because of course she got pregnant again right away when she was told she could try again. Happy / Sad = confused turtle.
PGF #2 is also pregnant with her 2nd child. Now PGF #2 knows exactly what I'm going through because she's been there... done that... bought the souviner. She's very successfully concieved both children through IVF. I was very excited for her. And you know what... no sadness... no jealousy... no anger! She's had a long tough road and I'm completely happy for her. Seeing that we're about to venture down that IVF road I do and hope to continue to find her a great help and inspiration.
PGF #3 is pregnant with her 1st. And guess what boys and girls... first month off of BCP! Yepper... a fucking fertile turtle if I ever saw one. Of course... sadness, jealousy and anger enter my head once again. Is it ever going to end?
Fuck you hope...
Fuck you waiting...
Fuck you infertility... I will beat you!
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